military aviation jokes

The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. What are you doing? I asked. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The two lads objected strongly. Nothing, she said. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Long Haul He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Why won't you kiss me? I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Eat up! When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. It was sheer brilliance. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout Caller: Is Sgt. March forth! A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. You divertyour course! One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Stay out of clouds. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. They all originally set out to become Marines. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. 8. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics The tenant shook her head. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! 9. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? 10. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Pizza de Resistance Caller: Sgt. Pilots 5. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. Anecdotes 2. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? 7. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. The reason? Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! What happened Sergeant? 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Do not attempt to shave with fire. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. 34. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Theres a post recall and he went to work. Looking for military boot camp jokes? Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. 12. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Unless you can be Batman. But something struck me as odd. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Why arent there any insects in an Army base? Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. Reply: No, I say again. I was the cook.. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to [email protected]. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? A friend paid my mother a visit. It helps to keep the pilot cool. 11. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. August 15, 2021. You can see why: What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. ! Military jokes - Pinterest Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Its a NO FLY zone! During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. 43. Landings are mandatory. Did you make it all by yourself? An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed The INFANTry! If pilots screw up, they die. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). [Answered]. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Pictures Archives - Aviation Humor The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. We were a tough group. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to [email protected]. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. 2. This site contains affiliate links. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. It was PRIVATE. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Gary Toohard. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Attention! and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Baltimore, said Dad. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. He nodded. A PETTY officer! In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Marine: Wait, stop. From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. How tough? During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. with someone braver than you.'. Did it work? Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. ! Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Military 3. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Military Aviation Archives - The Aviationist Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. He then made his way to my side. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. Do you have change for a dollar? What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Me: No. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. What did you do? My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before".

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